Fire Away
by Lord of the Sloths
Summary: When part of an upcoming comedy performance involves Luan firing someone out of a cannon none of her siblings are willing to participate. So, all of the Louds need to come to some sort of consensus. But the question is, does anyone really want to be shot from a cannon? This story is a request from Barbacar.


**And it looks like I made a second Loud House story after all. As stated above, this is a request from Barbacar so I hope they like it. Please be sure to leave a review, I love to hear what you think of my writing. Anyway, that's all I've got to say for this prelude. So here's the actual story now.**

* * *

One early morning inside the Loud residence the usually noisy house was quiet for the time being. Inside Luan and Luna's room, both sisters were asleep in their beds. Luan awoke first and looked around the room.

"Huh, looks like I'm up first." Luan remarked. "Hmm… I'm getting an idea."

Luan climbed out of her bed and walked up to Luna.

"Hey, Luna… Wake up." Luan whispered to her sister.

"Hmmm… Who can it be now?" Luna tiredly muttered, looking up to see Luan. "What the hay? Luan, why're you waking me up this early, dude."

"Sorry, I'm just really excited. It's a big day for me." Luan explained.

"It's not April Fools already, is it?" Luna asked, sounding nervous.

"Nope." Luan replied.

"Phew, that's a relief." Luna remarked, sitting up in bed. "So what is it, dude? Your birthday?"

"Nope, but I've got a big show for my comedy business." Luan explained. "Some rich kid's parents want me for a party. And they're paying me _a lot_."

"That's great… Wait, why're you waking me up again?" Luna asked.

"Well, you see for the grand finale of this shows I wanted to fire someone out of a cannon." Luan went on.

"I see where this is going…" Luna said as she got up from her bed. "You want _me_ to be fired from the cannon."

"Bingo." Luan replied.

"Yeah, you can count me out on that." Luna told her. "Don't wanna do anything that could injure my hands. That's how a musician makes their living, dude."

"Aw c'mon, it'll be safe. I _cannon_ guarantee it." Luan insisted.

"Still a hard pass, dude." Luna said.

"No problem, I can find someone else." Luan replied. "I'm sure whoever it is will have a _blast_. Get it?"

"Dude, I need to get some more shuteye." Luna told her sister. "Exit light, enter night. Ya catch my drift?"

"Right, I'll letcha get some more sleep." Luan replied. "But remember, come to me if you change your mind."

* * *

Later that morning, Lola and Lana were brushing teeth together in the bathroom. Lana took the toothbrush out of her mouth and spat into the sink. She put the toothbrush in a cup with a group of other brushes.

"Ah, all done." Lana said.

Lola took the toothbrush out of her mouth and attempted to talk but all that came out was a garbled mess.

"Didn't catch that." Lana told her. "Could you say it again?"

Lola spat into the sink.

" _I said:_ 'Ew, no you're not'." Lola repeated herself. "You didn't rinse your brush or your mouth."

"Meh, I never do that." Lana commented.

"Ugh, _double ew_!" Lola exclaimed. "I need to brush all over again now."

"Pfft, whatever, my teeth are fine." Lana insisted.

Luan entered the bathroom.

"Well, didn't expect to have a _brush_ with you two." Luan remarked, chuckling to herself. "Get it?"

"Hey there Luan." Lana greeted her.

"I thought you already brushed your teeth after you woke up." Lola remarked. "Why're you in here?"

"Looking for you two." Luan explained. "Either of you interested in being part of one of my shows?"

"Ooh, sounds glamorous." Lola commented. "What would I have to do?"

"You'd only have one job: To be fired out of a cannon." Luan explained.

"I'm sorry, _what?_ " Lola asked.

"It's for my grand finale." Luan explained. "C'mon, it'll be fun."

"Ugh, no way." Lola declined. "Get Lana to do it. I bet she'd like it.

"Yeah! It sounds fun!" Lana cheered. "When's this show?"

"Tonight at six." Luan told her.

"Aw man, that's when I was gonna go frog catching with some of my buddies from school." Lana remarked.

"Well, there's no moving my appointment so I guess that's a nix for you too." Luan remarked. "Too bad. You looked all _fired up_ to be part of this. Heh, but seriously though, who should I ask?"

"How 'bout Lynn?" Lana suggested. "She likes this kinda dangerous stuff."

"Hmm, you're right." Luan realized. "Thanks a ton."

Luan left the bathroom.

"Now where were we?" Lola asked. "Oh right: Lana, wash your toothbrush!"

* * *

Later, in the household kitchen, Leni was at the counter pouring herself a bowl of cereal while Lori looked at the contents of an opened fridge.

"Hmm… Should I eat leftovers?" Lori wondered. "No… The stuff in here smells a week old."

"Ooh, Lori, can you please get me some juice while you're by the fridge?" Leni requested.

"What kind of juice?" Lori asked.

"Uh… What's the name of that orange fruit?" Leni questioned. "'Cause what ever it is, I want that."

"The orange fruit is _literally_ called an _orange_ , Leni." Lori flatly told her.

"No… That doesn't sound right." Leni replied. "Why would they name it just after the colour?"

"I'm just gonna pour you some orange juice." Lori told her sister.

Lori grabbed a carton of orange juice out of the fridge but before she could hand it off to Leni, Luan entered the room.

"Hey there guys." Luan greeted her sisters. " _Orange_ you glad to see me?"

"Hi ya Luan." Leni said. "You want any breakfast?"

"No thanks, I'll grab some later." Luan replied. "I was actually looking for Lynn but now that I've run into you I have some questions."

"Uh oh, what is it?" Lori asked as she closed the fridge.

"Either of you interested in helping me out with a comedy performance?" Luan asked. "C'mon, it's gonna be great time."

"Ooh! I like helping." Leni volunteered. "Wait, what do I have to do?"

"For my grand finish you need to be shot from a cannon." Luan told her. "Don't worry, it's a big cannon. There should be enough room."

"Oh… Yeah, maybe not that." Leni declined. "Sorry."

"Where on earth did you get the money for a cannon?" Lori asked. "And where'd did you buy one?"

"Well, I saved up a _lot_ from all my other performances and I got it from my usual joke store." Luan explained. "It'd _blow_ your mind what kind of stuff they have in the back room. Get it? Blow? Cannon?"

"You didn't have to explain." Lori told her. "Also, before you ask, I'm not interested in your weird cannon performance."

"I figured that'd be your answer." Luan replied. "Anyhow, I'm gonna check out what Lynn's up to."

"Good luck with that." Leni wished her.

"Yeah, something tells me not many people would like to be fired out of a cannon." Lori added.

"Hey, I sure don't." Luan replied.

Luan laughed to herself before leaving the kitchen.

"So can I have my orange fruit juice?" Leni asked.

"It's just called orange juice, Leni." Lori told her.

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the driveway, Lincoln and Lynn were tossing a baseball around.

"Hey! Catch this, Lincoln!" Lynn called out to her brother as she threw the ball.

"I've got it!" Lincoln cheered as he backed up to catch the baseball.

Lincoln tripped over and landed on his back, the ball missing him completely.

"I don't got it…" Lincoln muttered.

Lincoln stood up from the ground.

"You gonna be okay?" Lynn asked him. "Looks like you fell pretty hard."

"I'll be fine." Lincoln told her.

Just then, Luan walked over to the two siblings.

"Hey there, I bet you two are having a _ball_." Luan remarked before laughing. "Get it?"

"Hey there Luan." Lynn greeted her. "What'cha up to?"

"Looking for you actually." Luan explained. "Y'see, I need your help putting on a show. You interested?"

"Hmm… Depends." Lynn replied. "Does your show require any physics defying athletics"

"In a way… Yeah." Luan told her.

"Awesome!" Lynn cheered.

"You're gonna be fired out of a cannon." Luan explained.

"Even more awesome!" Lynn cheered in a louder tone. "When's this cool show gonna be?"

"Well, this whole thing's kinda last minute so it's tonight at six." Luan told her.

"Aw man, I can't make it." Lynn replied, sounding disappointed. "I got ball practice."

"Which ball?" Luan asked.

"Dunno, I do so many sports I can't remember. But it definitely has a ball in it." Lynn said. "Anyway, point is I can't make it to your thing. Which is too bad. It sounds pretty cool."

"Aw that's too bad." Luan remarked before looking over at Lincoln. "Say… You wouldn't be up for this would ya? Do you wanna give it a _shot_?"

"Uh… Well…. I dunno." Lincoln nervously replied.

"So no?" Luan asked.

"Yeah." Lincoln told her. "I'd rather do something that won't put me in the hospital."

"No problem." Luan replied. "I've still got a list full of… Okay, there are three people I can ask… Wait, I probably shouldn't fire a baby from a cannon. So I guess that makes it two. But whatever, I'm sure things'll go great."

Luan walked away from those two.

"Y'know she's real weird sometimes." Lynn remarked.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Lisa's room, Lucy and Lisa were talking while Lily slept in her crib in the background.

"So do you have my nail polish?" Lucy asked.

"I still don't see why you can't procure your own black nail polish, but here it is." Lisa said, handing her sister a vial of black liquid.

"It's cheaper just to get it off of you." Lucy explained, taking the vial and handing Lisa a five dollar bill. "This stuff is gonna look great."

Luan entered the room.

"Well, just the people I'm looking for." Luan commented. "What a remarkable coincidence."

"Oh no, what are you up to?" Lisa asked.

"What am I up to? Totally nothing." Luan denied. "Hey, either of you up for being shot out of cannon?"

"Absolutely not." Lisa told him.

"Is this for fun or do you have a reason for shooting us from a cannon?" Lucy asked.

"Oh, there's a reason." Luan said. "It's part of a show I'm putting on. Whadda you say?"

"Still a negative." Lisa replied. "The risks are too high."

"Yeah, for as much as I like death, _I_ want to stay alive." Lucy added.

"That's all right." Luan replied. "I still have… Lily."

"You _are not_ shooting a baby from a cannon." Lisa told her.

"I know, that's just wrong." Luan said. "Hmm… There's gotta be some way for me to do this? Could I fire myself? No… Can't light the fuse from the inside… I gotta go make a phone call."

Luan exited the room.

"Weird." Lucy remarked.

"Says the girl with live bats in her room." Lisa pointed out.

"Sigh." Lucy said.

* * *

Meanwhile, downstairs in the living room, Luan approached a phone on an end table and dialed a number into it. Someone on the other end picked up.

"Um, hey Mrs. Hawthorne, it's me, Luan. The girl doing the performance." Luan identified herself to the person on the other line. "You know that big finale I promised? Well… It's a little bit… Cancelled… What do you mean you're paying me less? Oh, that makes sense…. Okay, bye."

Luan hung up the phone and let out a disappointed sigh.

"Heh, at least I wasn't _fired_." Luan tried to cheer herself up. "But seriously though, now what am I supposed to do with that giant cannon? Maybe I should get some pudding? That'll help me think."

Luan exited the room towards the kitchen. Once she was gone, Leni entered the room from the foyer.

"Hmm… I think I overheard something important." Leni realized. "But why is it important… Hmm? Think Leni, think… Oh! That's why. Gosh, I should probably tell someone."

Upstairs, Luna was practicing the drums in her room.

"Woo! Rock it!" Luna cheered as she banged on the drums.

The door to the room slowly creaked open and Leni entered. Luna saw Leni's mouth moving but was unable to hear anything over the noise of the drums. She abruptly stopped drumming to hear Leni.

"You're gonna have to say that again, dude." Luna told her. "Didn't catch a word of it."

"Okay, so, like, you're Luan's roommate, right?" Leni asked.

"Yeah." Luna replied. "Why're you askin'?"

"Luan seems a little upset about something." Leni explained. "I think it's that cannonball thingy she was talking about. I don't think anyone wanted to do it."

"I mean, can you blame us? It's being shot out of a cannon, man. Nobody wants that." Luna pointed out.

"Yeah, but, like, nobody should have their dreams crushed and stuff." Leni said. "C'mon, isn't there something you can do?"

"Look, plan making isn't something I do that often." Luna replied.

"Hmmm… Maybe I should try thinking link Lori." Leni remarked. "How would Lori think."

Leni stared off in though for a few moments.

"'Oh my gosh, I should literally text Bobby'." Leni imitated her older sister. "No… Wait… That wouldn't help."

"Try thinking some more." Luna suggested.

"Aw, but that's hard." Leni said. "All right… What else would she say? Uh…. 'Let's have a sibling meeting'. Hey, that's actually a good idea. C'mon Luna, let's get a meeting thingy ready."

"Huh? Right now?" Luna asked.

Leni nodded.

"All right fine, but if you hear me playing guitar at eleven at night it's your own fault, dude." Luna told her.

* * *

A little bit later, all the Loud siblings, with the exception of Luan, were gathered together in Lucy and Lynn's room.

"All right, like, I bet you all know why we're here." Leni told the others.

"No, that's a negative." Lisa stated. "I was simply told that it was, quote: 'Important'."

"Yeah, me too." Lana said.

"Huh, I probably should've explained better." Leni admitted. "Whoopsie."

"Just tell 'em why there here." Luna advised Leni.

"Oh, right." Leni replied. "So, like, y'know how Luan wants us to do that weird stuff?"

"Yeah." Lori said. "So?"

"Maybe we should help her with that stuff." Leni suggested.

"Uh, hello, we all turned down her crazy offer for a _reason_." Lola pointed out. "Namely, she wanted to _fire us_ from a _cannon_."

"Yeah, we all have a good reason to not want to do this." Lori added.

"Poo-poo." Lily said.

"See, Lily probably agrees too." Lynn told Leni.

"Okay, but like… I just feel bad for her. She seemed excited about this show thingy." Leni said. "Can't we do something? We're always like, working together and stuff."

"That is true." Lincoln admitted. "Luan bases her whole life around wanting to entertain people."

"And tormenting people once a year." Lucy pointed out.

"Okay, that's true too." Lincoln commented. "But she mostly wants to do the first part. Let's try to find one of us who wants to actually be shot from the cannon."

"Well, I wanna do it." Lana stated. "But… I'm busy."

"Yeah, same." Lynn added. "Gotta go to ball practice."

"Which ball?" Lori asked.

"I dunno." Lynn admitted. "I'll figure it out when I get there."

"Dudes, let's focused on which one of us wants to do Luan's crazy performance thing the most." Luna told her siblings.

"How about Leni?" Lisa suggested. "After all, this is her idea, is it not?"

"What? No way." Leni told Lisa. "There's like, no way I can risk messing up this outfit. Besides, I don't think I can fit inside a cannon. Those things look really tight."

"I don't wanna do it for the same reason." Lola added. "This dress is one of the most valuable in my collection."

"It _literally_ just looks like the same dress you wear every other day." Lori pointed out.

"Hey, everyone else in this family wears identical clothes and I didn't wanna be left out." Lola explained. "Anyway, I'm still not doing it."

"Due to my weak physical structure being shot at high velocity can pose many health risks." Lisa stated.

"You know there are easier ways to say 'No'." Lucy told Lisa.

"Yes, but my way is far more entertaining." Lisa said. "Also for similar reasons, Lily is obviously out of the question."

"Poo-poo." Lily nodded.

"Ah, but wouldn't that be so cute?" Leni asked before pausing for a few moments. "Oh… Right, then the part with gravity has to happen. Whoopsie. Uh, anyone else wanna volunteer? How 'bout you, Lucy?"

"Not happening." Lucy bluntly replied. "Even without the cannon, Luan's act's are way too cheerful for me. Unless there's a mime involved I'm not interested."

"You can count me out too." Lori added. "There is _literally_ nothing you can do to get me inside that cramped cannon."

"I'm Luan's roommate and I've gotta deal with a lotta her funny business every day." Luna told her other siblings. "I wanna free pass on this one."

"That just leaves… Lincoln." Leni realized.

"Oh gosh, do any of us have to do it?" Lincoln asked. "None of us wanna do that crazy cannon trick."

"I mean, between one of us possibly getting hurt and Luan being kinda sad, which is worse?" Lola added. "We'll just let her use a less cool finale for her show? That way everyone's happy."

"C'mon guys, we're a family. I can't stand to see her sad." Leni said. "C'mon, anyone wanna volunteer? Pretty please?"

"I guess I can do it…" Lincoln volunteered, sounding unsure.

"Yay!" Leni cheered. "I helped with a thing."

"So should I go tell Luan?" Lincoln asked.

"Like, of course." Leni replied. "She's gonna be so happy."

"I guess so." Lincoln said, still sounding nervous.

* * *

Meanwhile, Luan was in her room by herself looking through a chest of props.

"Hmm… Lemme see, I gotta find something else for the big finish." Luan told herself as she pulled a rubber chicken out of the trunk. "No, not that."

Luan tossed the chicken behind her and continued to rummage through the trunk.

"C'mon… There's gotta be something cool in here." Luan commented. "Oh, who am I kidding. If it was cool it wouldn't be in a dusty box."

The door slowly opened and Lincoln entered.

"Uh, hey Luan." Lincoln greeted his older sister. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Sorry Lincoln, no time to talk." Luan replied, keeping her eyes glued to the trunk. "I need to find a replacement and fast."

"Um, actually, I wanted to tell you something." Lincoln said. "I've changed my mind and I wanna be part of your weird cannon thing."

"You do!" Luan perked up.

She stood up from the trunk and turned around to Lincoln.

"You really mean it?" Luan asked. "You don't have me all _fired up_ for nothing, do you?"

"No, I wanna do the right thing and so I'll be part of your show." Lincoln told her. "Just _please_ make sure I don't get hurt."

"Oh, don't worry, everything's gonna be mostly safe." Luan reassured him.

" _Mostly_?" Lincoln nervously asked.

"Just messin' with ya." Luan told him. "Seriously though, if you aren't safe, I'll be _fired_ … Am I running that pun into the ground?"

"A little bit." Lincoln admitted.

"Well, I'll be sure to give the other puns a _shot_." Luan said, laughing to herself. "This is gonna be so much fun."

"Yeah… This'll be great." Lincoln remarked, still sounding unsure.

* * *

Later that day, Luan and Lincoln were walking through a park together.

"Okay Luan, why are we here now?" Lincoln asked. "That thing you said about a surprise was very vague."

"I wanted to show you all the safety stuff I set up." Luan explained.

Luan led Lincoln over to a mattress on the ground under a tree with several pillows tied to it.

"Ta-da!" Luan cheered, gesturing to the mattress and pillows. "This is where you'll land when I shoot you from the cannon."

"And you've tested it?" Lincoln asked.

"Nope. But I'm sure it's fine." Luan casually replied.

"Wait, what!" Lincoln exclaimed.

"Just kiddin'." Luan told him. "I wouldn't do that. Hope that didn't give you too much of a _shot_ -ck."

"Okay, that one was a little forced." Lincoln told her.

"Yeah, I realize that now." Luan admitted.

"Hey, just one last question, where's this performance going to be?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, I wrote it down, here you go." Luan told Lincoln as she handed him a sticky note.

"Would ya look at that, this is where I trick or treated this year." Lincoln noticed.

"Well doesn't that… Shoot, I can't think of any good puns." Luan realized. "Gimme a minute, I'll think of something. Anyway, see ya at the show."

"All right… This better go well…" Lincoln remarked, still sounding nervous.

"Yay!" Luan cheered. "This is gonna be my big break. Thanks a lot, Link."

* * *

Later that night, Lincoln was pacing around in what appeared to be the backstage area of the stage Luan was putting on her performance. The sounds of applause were heard coming from the other side of the stage.

"All right, it's your big moment." Lincoln told himself. "I'm _not_ going to get hurt. It's going to go fine. Luan wouldn't let that happen on a day that isn't April first."

Just then, Luan walked backstage and approached her brother.

"Hey Lincoln. Ready for your big moment?" Luan asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Lincoln replied.

"Awesome, I _just_ need to roll out the cannon before your big moment." Luan told him going up to a large prop cannon.

She rolled said cannon out on to the stage leading Lincoln behind.

"It's all gonna be fine." Lincoln told himself again.

"Lincoln! Get out here! It's time!" Luan called over to him.

Lincoln walked out on to the stage and saw a medium sized group of kids his age all wearing what appeared to be boarding school uniforms watching.

"All right ladies and gents, for my final act, my amazing brother here shall be fired from this cannon!" Luan announced gesturing to Lincoln and then the cannon.

"Well… Here goes nothing." Lincoln nervously told the crowd as he approached the cannon.

"Remember Link, feet first." Luan instructed her.

Lincoln climbed inside the cannon as instructed.

"And it's time for blast off." Luan remarked.

Luan took a comically oversized cigar and a match out of her pocket.

"Remember kids, don't smoke." Luan told the audience as she lit the match. "Especially don't smoke these fake cigars, they taste awful. I know from experience."

Luan lit the prop cigar and approached the cannon. She lit the fuse of the cannon.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you will believe a man can fly!" Luan announced to the audience as the fuse continued to burn up. "Well I guess you'll believe a boy can fly. Anyway, enjoy the show."

The fuse burned up completely and Luan smiled, putting her hands over her ears in anticipation. The cannon went off and Lincoln was shot into the distance until he became just a twinkle,

"Well _shoot_ , that thing had more power than I expected." Luan joked. "Get it?"

* * *

Meanwhile, up in the air, Lincoln hurdled through the sky.

"Ah!" Lincoln screamed as he began descending. "Please land in the right spot!"

Lincoln crashed down towards the ground even faster.

"I can't look!" Lincoln shrieked, putting his hands over his eyes.

After falling for a few more moments, Lincoln hit the pillows tied to a tree Luan had shown him earlier. He slid off the pillows and onto the mattress below. Lincoln lay on the mattress breathing heavily for a few moments before sitting up.

"Huh? I'm fine." Lincoln realized. "I mean… I never want to go on plane again but other than that I'm not hurt."

Lincoln's other sister's walked over to him with the exception of Lily who was being held by Lori.

"Hey Link, I finished my ball practice early." Lynn greeted him. "Lana left her friends early too."

"Dude, looks like you did some serious free fallin'." Luna remarked.

"Question, do you have any broken bones?" Lucy asked in her usual monotone. "And follow up question, can I examine them?"

"What are you guys doing here?" Lincoln inquired.

"Luan told us where to find you." Lana explained.

"She figured we'd wanna say hi or something." Lori went on.

"I still can't believe Luan's crazy cannon didn't end up putting me in the hospital." Lincoln said. "Can you guys believe it?"

"I most certainly can." Lisa stated. " _I'm_ the one who put these safety measures together."

"Wait, what?" Lincoln asked.

"Yeah, we didn't know about this either." Lola added.

"After Lincoln here agreed to Luan's show, she came to me and asked if her safety system was actually, well, safe." Lisa explainted. "It was not. So I redesigned it."

"Your safety thing doesn't look that secure either." Lincoln pointed out as he got up from the mattress.

"Tell me, how many concussions do you have?" Lisa sarcastically asked.

"Well, none." Lincoln admitted.

"Then I did my job." Lisa stated.

"She has a point." Leni remarked.

"Wow, Luan really wanted to make sure I was safe." Lincoln realized. "Sure hope her show went well."

"Oh yeah, it totally did." Lori replied.

"How do you know that?" Leni asked.

"Duh, she just texted me." Lori explained.

"Can we please go home now?" Lola asked. "This park is cold and I don't wanna get any mud on my dress."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Luna agreed. "C'mon everyone, let's go home. Luan'll probably meet us there."

The Louds began walking down the sidewalk away from the mattress.

"You know, I think I really respect Luan more after today." Lincoln commented. "Behind all her puns and pranks she really cares about us."

"Yeah, that's great and all, but I can't be the only one wondering what Luan's going to do with this cannon now." Lynn said.

"Let's just hope it's a rental." Lucy replied.

* * *

 **And there's the story. I'm a little worried that the ending was a bit too cartoonishly over the top, but then again the Loud House is a wacky cartoon series. Anyway, I haven't got much else to add to the end of this other than I had fun writing it. Once again, please be sure to leave a review to let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading.**


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